The Funniest Tweets By Women This Week

Blessing our timelines with laughs

In honor of International Women’s Day, we just wanted to give a nod to all of the hilarious women of the internet who provide us with great tweets to scroll through while we’re on the toilet at work. Thank you for all the giggles, ladies, we appreciate you.

These are some of our faves.

1st tattoo: a quote from Dante’s inferno it symbolizes man’s attraction to sin and transgression

30th tattoo: a salami and it represents a salami

— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) February 28, 2019

Why is anyone surprised that women are attracted to a weird guy with butthole eyes and freewheeling sexual energy? We want to fuck Beetlejuice dude. We are in group chats talking about coughing up a hairball after sucking the Grinch's dick. Grow up

— Emma (@Merman_Melville) March 4, 2019

my roommate’s been really excited about how well one of her plants has been doing and idk how to tell her it’s a fake plant

— gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) March 3, 2019

Exhausted from being so far ahead of my time

— Julie (@julesspeterson) February 23, 2019

i do sell nudes, nudes of my heart, they are my tweets and the price is zero dollars

— dirt prince (@pant_leg) March 3, 2019

mugger: gimme all your cash

me: lmao my what

— jo diggity (@WhaJoTalkinBout) February 6, 2019

When I was 15 my sister told me a scrotum was a skirt with shorts underneath

— Natalia (@nataliayajia) February 12, 2019


Kid who’s double-jointed: look

— sarah schauer (@SJSchauer) March 8, 2019

Wait are there men who have never punched a hole in drywall does that exist

— Michaela Okland (@MichaelaOkla) February 23, 2019

Hi! How are you? Why don’t airplanes have cup holders?

— D'Arcy Carden (@DarcyCarden) March 8, 2019

I miss how dating used to be. You didn't have to use Tinder. You could just acquire a toad to carry around from the swamps. If you wanted to kiss him & turn him into a prince, you could. And if not, you still had a nice toad companion. Simpler times.

— Roxi Horror (@roxiqt) October 16, 2018

thinking about yelling, “thar she blows” the next time i cum

— jen merritt!!! (@jennifermerr) March 1, 2019

[Author: Kelci Grammar]

Tags: Humor, Grinch, Dante, Julie, Natalia, Arcy Carden, Tamara Yajia, Kelci Grammar, Michaela Okland


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